I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
