I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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