i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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