Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
