awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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