Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
