I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
