Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
