my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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