the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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