I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize
