I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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