I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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