is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
