Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I think I sprained my soul last night
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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