Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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