Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
