Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
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