Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
