You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
