My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
