This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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