Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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