it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
