I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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