its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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