Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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