Just fell off a train. Bad.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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