you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
