I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
