Come see our sink grown plant.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
