He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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