why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
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The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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