people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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