I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
