Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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