Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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