FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
