New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
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