It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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