You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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