Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
