I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
