So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
