I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
