I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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