I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
There are leaves in my underwear?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
