I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
