I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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