Little spoons don't ask big questions
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
