As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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