I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
