Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize