I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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