dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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