he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
