Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
