i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
