is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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