i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
