She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
