So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
