Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
