Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
