i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
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